Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
