after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
