What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
