I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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