You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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