i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
