i just wanna soil my oats bro
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
