I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
