I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
