apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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