she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
