I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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