If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i think i have two assholes
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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