Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
