Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
