I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
