i think my mom watched the whole time
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
