So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
