i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
