Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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