Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
