for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
