check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
