i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
