Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
