Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
