Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
