I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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