ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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