So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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