my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
