so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
