And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i think i have two assholes
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
