her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
