did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
