i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
