i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
