We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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