i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
