Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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