sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
