Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
