I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
