Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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