The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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