ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
