Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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