Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
