She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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