Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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