So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
