Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
two words...techno handjob
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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