I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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