thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
