was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
